Monkey paw

Hey, Dexter, you remember that story about the monkey paw that grants wishes?  I kind of doubt this is what the story had in mind, but I figured you'd like the picture, anyway.  Maybe just in case, we should make a wish.

Notice the bite marks on Stoogess's foot.  Sometimes love hurts, Dex.

Sometimes Stoogess doesn't suck

I like this pic.  Every time the Stoogess tried to type, I opened my eyes and gave her an irritated look.  She really had to go pee and wanted another cup of coffee.  In this pic, I'm laughing inside.

Brian, I know, man, sometimes I have to go to so-called "Bring your Monkey to Work Day."  But one time another person who works in that clinic brought her animals too, so it wasn't so bad.  We made like we were doing a special operation on an orangutan, called a circumcision.  It's some kinda procedure where they strap you in and make a cut on the private area, I think.  We didn't REALLY do the "circ" (that's the medical jargon) - we were just messing around to get some silly photos!  It's not like the place is a Circus.  Duh!  It'a a big deal University Medical Center.  They don't usually have animals there...BUT on circ day you can usually hear some kind of noise that sounds like lambs bleating...?

I have a day job

Went to the office with Stoogess today.

It is my job to hunt box elder bugs while she "works." She says she brings home bacon but that's not what she does.

She's a lawyer. I guess that means she yells at people on the phone all day. And emails people. Probably in all caps.

Frankly, lawyers suck. If she didn't clean my litter box, I would lie on her face while she sleeps and suffocate her. She would probably thank me.

Flower porn

I'm trying my paw at some photography.  Guess why I call this flower porn?

Who are you wearing?

Brian, who are you wearing?  Guess what.  Don't say "Jean" or "Long John" or something like that.  Duh!  Today is the day when you say WHO designed what you're wearing?  Like say - Today I'm wearing Paul Frank...(and man, is he heavy!).  BTW, Paul Frank is my friend.

I don't think you have a diamond collar (yet), and I hear ya when you say you don't want a F*** collar.  But guess what, Brian.  I just heard about the Golden Collar Awards for Animal movie stars!  Since you are a REAL live cat, you should get in a movie and then win a GOLDEN COLLAR!  Duh!  When they give it to you, make sure to find out who designed it.  Then, for example, you could say like: "I'm wearing Doug Dunn, the famous Goldsmith on Whidbey, darling."  What kind of movie should you be in?  This is an idea we could have lots of fun thinking about, know what I'm sayin'?

The last movie I saw in a movie theater was "Return of the Planet of the Apes" - and that was about a year ago!  I also went to "Chimps in Space" and "Mighty Joe Young" quite a long time ago.  Today I'm going to see "Hugo."  Guess what, there's a dog in that one too.  I didn't get to go to the theater to see "The Artist," but I know that dog, Uggy, was the main star of that film.  Also I wanna see the horse movie too.  I don't know if the horse were to win Best Animal Actor whether they would give him a golden collar...or maybe he'd get golden reins... Hey, that sounds like golden rain, you know like drops of gold, like a golden shower.  That's what a horse might get.  If they awarded him a small pet-sized collar, he might get pissed OFF.  Then they'd have to say: "Whoa whoa, don't stirrup so much drama!"

I'm gonna get popcorn too. (But I always bring my own pop - that's the way I roll.  Don't tell anyone, man.)

Panda-mouse?

Not sure if this is a panda or if this is a mouse. Whatever it is, it's fucking huge and it make me all rumbly in the tumbly.