Chasin' Tail and Contraception

Humans are such hypocrites.

About a month ago, they took me to the "vet" (a euphemism for "animal-hating sadist").  When I left, I was half the tom-cat I used to be.  If you know what I mean.  I mean, I can sing the high notes in the boys' choir now.

I was pretty irritated by these developments.  I'm only six months old--I haven't had the chance to even test the guys out and bam! they're gone.  The idiot who did this to me tried to explain that there are too many cats in the world.  A lot are unwanted and they don't have anyone to live with and they get sick and die.  So humans have a policy of making sure cats don't get it on with one another and make little kitties anymore.

I could go on all day about why that makes me want to puke up a hairball.

But here's the worst thing.  The other day, I was watching TV, and there was this guy named Santorum on (and does anyone else think his name sounds like the name of some kind of lubricant?).  He was saying that the government shouldn't make sure women have access to birth control.  Whaaa?

Wait a minute!  Human access to contraception should be limited, but you take your kitties in to get them snipped because why?  Cat overpopulation is bad but human overpopulation isn't?  Last time I saw, cats weren't polluting the environment, creating trash, causing global warming, covering our planet with methane-producing beef cattle, or making war.

I have some candidates for mandatory scrotal removal surgery, and they ain't cats.

Cats are graceful

Cats are graceful and powerful.  Really.

Except when stooges put sheers in the windows.  I mean, what the hell???

I keep forgetting they're there, and then I try to jump up on the window ledge and hit the sheers and slide off in a heap on the floor.

All you can do then is to act like you meant to do that.  You know, I kind of nonchalantly inspect my tail or bat at a dust mote until I can tell if the stooges are laughing at me.  I take note of when the stooges laugh.  When they do, I find a black sweater and shed on it.

One day I was sitting by the window watching those stupid birds flitting around outside and thinking about how their little birdy skulls would crunch between my teeth and I sneezed and hit my face on the window and fell off the ledge.  When I got up, Stoogess was pointing and laughing.  So I got up on her lap and farted on her.  Hahaha.  Meoooow.

Cats are graceful.  Just not sometimes.